Being part of a society that feeds our fear belief of not being good enough, makes it really hard to actually believe in yourself. Not only that, but it also seems like believing in yourself and your dreams is regarded as such an arrogant waste of time that people rarely dare to do it. Being told to not have the means to pursue whatever you feel is best for yourself and not being worth of achieving it in the first place, makes it so hard these days to be a successful bad ass believer and follow your little heart. Plus the over-share of perfect people on social media that seem to have it all, and everything we want but don't have, is what gives our self-esteem the last kick to the ground. Which is a shame because believing in yourself is actually what makes life exciting, so exciting that you do not want to swap lives with anyone- even if you could. When you realise how good it feels to be yourself and experience everything about you, for you and through you, there's no way in hell you would give that away.
Here are my five key points for believing in yourself.
1 ) Believe that life is meant to be good for you.
That for me is the basic. If you believe deep down that life is meant to be good for you (with ups and downs of course- I'll get to that later) then you've already done half the work.
You have to be an optimist here, even when life sucks right now. Try to get that far away bird's eye perspective- look at your life from above and far away and ignore all the small problems that are currently bothering you. What do you see? Basically a pretty alright existence no? You probably got food on your table, and a roof over your head, some money in the bank, and most importantly you got dreams and a mind that is able to think and develop beliefs.
While being stuck within a problem this doesn't seem like much of a helpful advice. To develop the belief in yourself also requires an action that is rarely performed in our society today- to take a step back from logic and cultivate faith.
Faith in a purpose of your existence, a belief in the magic and love of the universe and whoever created us. If you get there and if you really believe that some higher power brought you here (which makes the most sense anyway) you have no choice but to think that life is meant to be good for you. And when you belief that your life is meant to be good for you, you instantly believe in yourself too. One comes with the other. You believe in you having a purpose and with that being said, you believe in yourself and your capabilities. Well, there's your confidence.
2) See life as a path.
To be able to be optimistic about your problems is very hard, especially when you're right in them. But remember it's your choice to focus on them or to distract your mind with something more uplifting. Easier said than done too of course but you reading this blog post is already a good start.
Problems are never worth to focus upon, unless you want them to become bigger. Most importantly, what I've learned over the years of traveling is that you can not fix your problem by dwelling upon it. Never ever. Good ideas and solutions come with good vibes. So get those vibes going and then see what happens to your problems. It really never helps to try and find a solution when you're on the ground, the best ideas are up in the air so try and get there first. Little by little of course. Nothing is ever easy but 1) believe that life is meant to be good for you and 2) see life as a path.
Seeing life as a path helps heaps to overcome problems. By overcoming problems I mean finding ways to accept them. Problems, bad experiences etc. are part of our lives. Let's face it. Although we only put those pretty pictures up on social media, we struggle a lot to keep our minds positive and be happy. It's not an easy thing to do but realising that our problems are only guideposts, helps us, at least helps me, a lot.
Whenever something happens that annoys or upsets me because I think that it wasn't supposed to happen like that, or to happen at all, or I think that I'm making mistakes and wrong decisions, I try to relax and find another approach to the situation. When I see my life as a path, I can see that one problem, one 'wrong' decision, won't kick me off my path because as long as I live I'll be on that path.
When you see life as a path, there are no mistakes or wrong decisions to be made because there is not a final destination to be reached. It's all happening. One thing leads to another, always. Always. Live is a steady flow and you keep moving with it because you're alive. You can't not move.
Just look at nature. Seasons are changing, and so are you. I know life can seem stagnate at times but there is always things happening behind the scenes so to speak. And since we are essentially nature too, we can't make any mistakes or have any real problems because nature doesn't make mistakes or has issues. There's a higher power orchestrating it all and we're a part of it. It's all moving, it's all changing. It all happens at the right place, at the right time.
When we recognise that, we see that we don't need to be afraid or concerned. We are alive and therefore doing everything correctly, and if we keep faith in number 1) we will eventually get where we want to be right now.
3) Don't call it failure.
Failing seems to be such a big deal these days. What could go wrong is far more considered than what could actually go right. Fear based beliefs are what carry our society, and we don't do much to overthrow the system. Instead we keep walking, doing their thing instead of our own and wonder why life feels even scarier from time to time. It's because we think we are in control, when really what we do to achieve control is the opposite. We can't possibly control things outside of ourselves and believing that we can avoid failure by trying hard enough to make sure it's all correct, is not only freaking exhausting but straight up stupid. Failure is vital to our lives, it gives us power to push on by guiding us into more fulfilling directions. We don't want to avoid it, we want to experience it!
Failure is the best thing ever because it's only ever the biggest support we can get. It's never the end or saddest day in our lives but always the bump we hit from time to time to bounce off into a better direction. But it's not only a friendly reminder to move into a more favourable direction, we actually need failure in our lives, otherwise we would have some serious problems to face.
Imagine there was no failure. It would mean that we need to hit the nail on the head ten times out of ten. We wouldn't be free to make a mistake. Like machines we would need to make the right decisions 24/7. It would be very full on for our human hearts, in fact a freaking nightmare. Without the opportunity of failure we would need to be accurate all the time because life wouldn't be able to swerve anywhere. We would never have the chance to make a mistake and learn from it. We wouldn't grow or expand. We would stay the same old person and if we did make a mistake, we would probably die. What a horrible concept.
Be thankful for failure because it gives us freedom, the space we need to expand our personality and the possibility to live a light-hearted life that always guides us to the better. I think we're basically all winning here.
4) Look at the variety of your talents.
My ex boyfriend once told me to focus on all of my talents, instead of just one. This was actually really helpful because during that time I struggled to find my path in life and didn't know which of my passions to pursue or which way to walk or which decision to make. I got seriously upset and very unhappy and confused, sometimes up to the point of panic.
Trying to put ourselves into one box is seriously scary and so unhealthy that it can actually make us suffocate. It takes all life out of us, because it makes us confused about who we really are. It leaves us helpless because it entirely disconnects us from all the power that we hold within. It makes us feel terrible and it makes us compare ourselves with others a lot- only to find out that we suck. Pinning yourself down to one talent that you have, your brain instantly gets going on about ten other people who have the same talent but much more distinctive.
It's simply not the way to go, at least for me. What I find way more helpful is looking at all of our character traits, passions, talents and so called imperfections. Thinking that I am here to live all of my passions, that I am on a path to unfold all of them, I instantly feel light and inspired. Combining all of your passions to pursue a unique path and lifestyle, that's what I find exciting. It's about us unfolding all of our wings because we need them to fly the highest.
Thinking that way also helps to not compare ourselves with other people. When we recognise our own unique combo of talents, we actually want to be ourselves and find out where that set of talents will lead us. We find excitement in our own life paths, so much that we don't care about what anybody else is doing. We get so caught up in being yourselves and expanding our personalities that we begin to love life and the excitement of it. So get curious about your unique personality. What are you doing here? How are you enjoying yourself most? What are your dreams? What are your biggest fears? What makes you special? What has your life looked like so far? Where did you grow up? How many times have you been hurt? What have you learned? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? Go be it!
5) Believe in others.
A sneaky way I have recently discovered to trick my brain into believing in myself more, is cultivating the ability to believe in others.
Think of your best friend and think how easily you can see him/her achieving his/her dreams. So simple right? They have the skill set, the experience, that special something that it takes, they put such great work in and it makes just so much sense for them to succeed because they're so very good at what they do and they so often judge themselves below their actual capabilities. You can see this so clearly. But when it comes to yourself, it's a whole other ballgame.
You couldn't do it as easily as your friend. Success is harder for you to gain. It really is a different story. It is different for you. Very different. It is. Different. For you. You do have a tough life.
Is that true? No of course not. But how come it is so much easier to believe in your friend than it is for you to believe in yourself? Where's the difference between you and your friend? Why isn't you success just as logical as your friend's? Well, it is. And you're doing great by believing in your friend.
When you're able to believe in your friend, you are able to believe in yourself. If you manage to see success in somebody else without getting jealous or upset, you are already doing great believing in yourself.
Heard of karma? Well there you go- what you give is what you get. Believe in others and self-belief comes right with it. In a second thought, or maybe just tomorrow, or next week. But it will. Believing in others, giving out compliments e.g., is really uplifting anyway and a great mood booster. Overall it's a really good practice to cultivate self-believe.
Below there's an extract of a book called the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. He talks about karma and how you get what you want by giving it to others. Even through thoughts.
"Even the thought of giving, the thought of blessing, or a simple prayer has the power to affect others. This is because our body, reduced to its essential state, is a localised bundle of energy and information in a universe of energy and information. We are localised bundles of consciousness in a conscious universe.
The word "consciousness" implies more than just energy and information -- it implies energy which is alive as thought. Therefore we are bundles of thought in a thinking universe. And thought has the power to transform. Life is the eternal dance of consciousness that expresses itself as the dynamic exchange of impulses of intelligence between microcosm and macrocosm, between the human body and the universal body, between the human mind and the cosmos mind.
When you learn to give that which you seek, you activate and choreograph the dance with an exquisite, energetic, and vital movement that constitutes the eternal throb of life."
So yeah time to get excited about life and all that is happening right now, or not happening. It doesn't matter. All you need to hold dear to your heart is the thought that life is meant to be good for you. And I know that you can feel it. This is it. Life is about you and for you, it's meant to be experienced through you- fully. It's only ever about you and the universe. Other people have no clue and are not your guideline. We are all different with extraordinary personalities following a customized life path that is only for us. We are guided by the universe, either through inspiration or through failure. 'Life is one hell of a cracker', says the person spinning on a tiny planet around the vast cosmos. Stop wasting your mind. You can't grasp where you will end up, so stop thinking and making plans. Feel and trust more. Everyday. Be happy that you're here and find things you love about yourself and life and start being more curious. Explore and expand. That's what makes us feel most alive and more excited than anything. Grow and glow. Life is for you. It's a gift.
** It's important to spend time with yourself and connect to who you really are. Just you, away from all the noises. You can do that through meditation, yoga, by spending time in nature, journaling, even traveling, or choosing to remain silent and not speak for a day, a week, an hour. Whatever you feel suits you best, find access to your inner wisdom. I went on a 10-Day-Silence Meditation Retreat once in Java and it was quite a confronting experience but in the end more rewarding than anything because you really get in touch with yourself without any distractions. This retreat gives you the space to take a break from daily life and experience yourself and who you are.
The best- it's for free and available in almost every country. You can check the link here.
Whatever you choose to do, I just hope you believe in yourself and in who you are at heart-level, and that you have lots of fun.
We all know you're amazing anyway. Ssssstop it xo